i guess i pulled too many false alarms

Everything we see is ours,or it could be if we just try,and if everything that is said to me is true,then i guess i am conflicted.there is a time and place for everything,even god has his own stake of realty in the madness of my mind,him among a lot of other,what I have to consider more important things.I think I ought to know by now,i think i should have learned by now,I’m never going to be a lottery millionaire,the odds of me winning and the apocalypse coming,are about level,i guess I’ve simply pulled too many false alarms with the big guy,too many years of non lip service and non-attendance in any steeple building of any kind may play its role.I’ve never been a believer,i am agnostic,much to the protest of family and a few die-hard religious,Sunday mass going friends,i have prayed,they went unanswered,don’t they always?maybe not,now this is not a reason for my lack of belief or indifference,i have many reasons,I was told one afternoon by my father when i stated this fact,it is probably best to hedge my bets and not be belligerent in my previous atheist beliefs and youthful rebellion,it has more to do with my principles and ideals then anything else,I’m old enough now to know,i don’t know it all,never will,i am not all-knowing,I am not as invincible or as assured in my reasoning’s,that to question me would be up there with blasphemy,i cannot state a truth and be solid in it,i can only have faith that the way i see a problem is to me in my mind the right choice or that  my reasoning’s are sound,my ethics and morals,core beliefs remain unchanged.i have learned the hard way when i take in anything new,have a new prospective,observation,or insightful bit of knowledge explained to me that i take it on-board,make variations,to suit me as a person,and file it away for future reference.i am always recreating myself,learning,becoming the person i will be,someone who may see marriage,children and white picket fences,a person who blazes a career over the coming decades,a person who is seen and heard and recognised,who is steadfast in who i am,admits my failings,and strives for self betterment,i am open-minded,i try to be that way without letting too much of one way of thinking,no matter how right or agreeable i may think it is,there are two opposing sides to everything,every belief,wisdom is not always logical,there are two sides to every story i hear,i am impartial,not detached,my deepest feelings are enigmatic,dispassionately unattached but at the same time passionately involved,it is who i am,for i give myself wholeheartedly into any endeavour i undertake.i am the only hero in my own life,the only person who can lead it is me,i will remain true to myself.this is the person i choose to be,freewill will always be fighting spirit inside of me,the flame that will never be extinguished.



~ by wingstruck on December 8, 2010.

2 Responses to “i guess i pulled too many false alarms”

  1. I admire the struggle and the honesty of your journey that comes across in your words. I too revere the flame that will never be extinguished, though it may be different in each person.

  2. everyone is born with the right to be uncommon. to choose to be common is either a blind blessing or the greatest tragedy one can inflict upon oneself by ridding oneself of all privileges of their inborn potential. ♥

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